Fashion Splash - Looks for Travel and Business Casual

Over the years I've had a lot of people compliment me on my fashion sense which is always super flattering to hear. And it's something I come by naturally because style seems to be embedded in our family DNA. From my earliest memory, I can remember my grandmother making comments like "You can't go uptown dressed like that," and I realize now what a gift that was, as it's given me an inner knowing of what to wear - and where to wear it.

This knowing came from both sides of the family. My grandfather, Harry Moody, was a man who knew what looked good on women and made his opinions very clear:

1. Be very careful about patterns (I will be talking about this in future blogs)
2. Always wear good shoes.
3. Always wear clothes that fit.

Interestingly, I've gone to a few psychics over the years for fun, and twice now my grandfather has shown up and given me fashion advice from beyond. No lie. One time he wanted me to know my hair was too short, and the next, he had a comment about the shoes I was wearing. He wanted me to know I had made a good choice. The cool thing is just that morning I had debated between two pairs in front of my mirror.

So I know I'll have my grandfather's blessing as I embark on the odd blog about fashion - with today's topic being business casual and travel.  This because I'm getting ready to go on another work related trip and in my line of work as a trainer/facilitator/educator, the dress code is almost always business casual.

But what do I mean by business casual? My work takes me into a lot of schools and/or small communities where a business suit or dressier outfit is just not quite the right fit. Business casual is a professional look that's little more relaxed - but although it's casual, that doesn't mean anything goes.

So how to know what goes and what doesn't? Well, first of all, I think Pinterest is a great place to go for inspiration. I love to put "Women's fashions" into the search box and then scroll through. I have a board devoted specifically to fashion styles and ideas (just click the link to visit and follow) and whenever I see a look or an idea I like, I save it there for future reference.

And then a great practice to get into is to put together outfits based on what you'll be doing either at the start of a week, or before a trip. I do this every Sunday. I sit down and think about what I'm going to be doing in the week ahead and then I put together an outfit for each day, including shoes, accessories, and jewelry. They hang in chronological order in my closet and make for less stressful mornings. As a bonus, they also give me a boost of inner confidence that comes with knowing I've put something I feel fabulous in for that day.

So I thought I'd share some of the looks I've put together for this week's trip, along with some of my thoughts on how I put together business casual and travel outfits.

Look #1 - Travel

The thing about travel is you want to be well put together but you also want to be comfortable, and in my case, because I'm traveling to a small town, jeans and boots are completely acceptable.

I wanted something warm and cozy, because we'll be on a ferry for part of the trip and those boats get chilly, but also something flattering - so I put my look together inspired by outfits I've loved by Ralph Lauren.

When putting together your casual closet, there a few must haves (in my humble opinion) and one of those is a denim shirt because it will take you anywhere and never goes out of style. The same applies for white button down shirts, and well made tees with both long and short sleeves. Save your yoga pants and track jackets for the gym and invest in some comfortable jeans with a little stretch, a denim shirt, button down or a tee, and then pair it up with a great jacket, or sweater. A scarf, cute flats, or boots and you'll be good to go.

For my trip, I've chosen this soft, comfy fringed cardigan with skinny jeans and boots. Not only will the outfit be perfect for a long day of travel, I feel good in it - and as Billy Crystal so famously said "When you look mahvelous, you feel mahvelous."

The fringe cardie is longer in the back than the front and creates a lengthening silhouette. And the fringe itself, adds a Ralph Lauren Country look without the Ralph Lauren Country price.

Finishing the whole thing off is minimal jewelry that makes a statement: A fabulous, clunky men's style watch, and a simple silver ring (that I see needs polishing). 

Look #2 - Business Casual

The next two looks I've put together are for the days I'll spend facilitating my workshop - and there are always things to keep in mind, like temperature. I tend to dress in layers, that way I stay warm if the room is on the cooler side, but can remove a jacket or sweater if it gets too warm. 

But first, some ideas from me about business casual (and please keep in mind, these are the fashion rules I live by - if they aren't yours, that's okay too. Fashion is always individual).

Dresses and Skirts

1. Skirts and dresses are okay as long as the hem falls just above the knees and no higher. You want the hemline to flatter, not detract from your professional look. If you're opting to wear a skirt or dress, a pair of black tights with a black skirt and boots is a great look that's flattering on just about everyone. 
2. Avoid low-cut dresses or those with high slits.
3. Avoid dresses (especially) and skirts that are too tight. Always wear clothes that fit because clothes that fit flatter. 

Pants

1. Go for pants that fit and feel comfortable. I can't think of anything worse than having to go through a day in tight pants, so do yourself a favour and donate anything you own that doesn't fit. If you achieve that magical goal weight you're keeping the jeans for, you'll want to get a brand new pair to celebrate anyway. In fashion and in life, let go of the past. Be fabulous just as you are today. 
2. If jeans are okay for your business casual look (they are for me when I'm working in schools) make sure to wear dressy jeans in a darker hue that aren't faded. Keep those for traveling, clubbing, and the weekend,
3. Neutral colors are best.
4. Tights are not pants. Save them for yoga class.

Blouses and Tops

1. Blouses, plain shirts, cotton shirts, sweaters, turtlenecks, vests, and sleeveless shirts are all good choices, just be careful that what you wear isn't too revealing.
2. Blouses and shirts can be tucked-in or untucked depending on the shirt.
3. Unusual patterns are okay, as long as they're not wild. In most cases, though, I subscribe to my grandfather's aversion. This is because your clothes should enhance beautiful you, and patterns tend to take the focus away from the person. 

Shoes

In my line of work, I'm on my feet constantly and so it becomes incumbent to wear good shoes. In fact, I would go so far as to say, the most important investment you can make in your wardrobe is shoes that fit right (and bras that do the same). When choosing shoes:

1. Try footwear such as leather shoes, flat trouser shoes, wedge heels, high heels (that you can walk in). Avoid flip flops, sandals and sneakers.
2. Always opt for neutral colours (black, brown, grey, tan, khaki, wine, navy) and pay attention to the condition your shoes are in. 

So with all those good pointers in mind, here are my two business casual looks for this trip:

I am absolutely crazy about this burgundy "Grandpa" cardie. It's warm and cozy and looks great with these plaid slacks. You can't see it in the picture, but there's a very faint burgundy line that runs through the plaid on the pants. Not too much to be distracting but just right. Team the look up with a neutral tee and a fun scarf to finish.

The shoes are Italian leather in a boot style with a slight heel to add height. I've paired the outfit with a comfortable cotton long sleeved shirt that says "Pop the champagne" to add a little fun, and then finished it with my favourite silver watch, a thick silver ring, and diamond stud earrings.

The second look is also warm, and comfortable. A soft black and grey flecked cardie, teams with an aubergine blouse, black slacks, black wedges, my signature man style watch with a Pandora done in all hues of pink and purple, and a ring with a deep purple stone.

And when you come in from the cold, remove the scarf and you'll be all set to take on the world!

So that's it. Some ideas from me on how to put together fabulous business casual looks of which I'm more than certain my grandfather would approve. Which brings me to today's reminder...

"Don't be into trends. Don't make fashion own you, but you decide what you are, what you want to express by the way you dress and the way to live." —Gianni Versace

Regrets

Today was a good day. Interestingly enough, though, it didn't start that way. Nope. Quite the opposite because my day began with one of those bad dreams we have just before waking. In my dream my son Matthew was a little boy and for some reason, Vaughan and I had sent him to live with another family because we were both too busy to look after him. In the dream, he had come home for a visit and I discovered that he'd started calling the woman looking after him Mom.

I woke up crying.

I have no idea what the dream meant, other than to say that I must have regrets about time I didn't spend with him growing up; and so it was with that feeling that I woke up. And it wasn't a pleasant awakening either. It was one of those mornings I hit snooze on my phone about 10 times and when I finally rolled out of bed and into the shower, I opted for the highest octane coffee I had.

And then it continued. I got to work and realized I'd left my glasses at home. Along with my make up bag, chap stick, and Ibuprofen (for the head ache that was beginning to take shape as I entered the office). But despite all that, I had a presentation to do at a local elementary school at 10:30 and knew I had to put my best game face on because presentations are always better when the people doing them are in a good mood.

So that's what I did. And it's an interesting thing that happens when we decide, that despite all stormy weather, we're going to have a good day anyway and approach everything that comes our way with a smile and a positive spirit. When we do this a surprising thing happens: suddenly a bad day has the potential of becoming the best day.

At least, that's how it was for me.

The presentation went amazing and the children clung to our words and the message we were there to share which is: YOU ARE IMPORTANT.

Afterward, several kids approached me to talk and as I sat with each of them, listening and being there as they shared the worries on their minds and their hearts, I was gifted with the realization that maybe I wasn't such a bad mother after all. Although I got a lot of things wrong, I was always there, I always listened, and I think I conveyed the message that YOU ARE IMPORTANT, and I LOVE YOU beyond all measure in everything I did.

At least I hope so.

That's the kicker with regrets. As we grow older we grow wiser and from the vantage point of age and experience there are so many things we'd do differently but we can't. So I guess our best choice is to accept everything and to remember that even our mistakes are gifts for other people because nobody learns with an absence of struggle and perhaps in the universal scheme of things, the greatest gifts we give our children are the things they need to find the strength to overcome.

Today's reminder:

Collaboration

As an only child, it's my nature to do things by myself and to trust the things I create. I never had the advantage of brothers and sisters, and the knowing that comes with siblings. So I never really understood that the sum of all parts could be greater than what I could ever do on my own.

You see, I'm one of those people who "gets things done" - and I find that when I include others in what I'm about, it gets too messy - especially when the thoughts and opinions of others differ from my own.

But I realize now that there is no one vision; and that, my friends, has changed everything. 

I am a person who tends to live in absolutes. If we're working with my vision then that vision is the right one - so that if we begin to work with yours and it's different than mine, I will automatically switch tracks and focus on yours. But I realize this evening that the most incredible projects are born when several voices are given opportunity to share their opinions so that all ideas can be discussed, broken apart, and turned into something new.

Today's reminder: 

 

Playing in the Mud - Today's Reminder

I'm back to the reality of a full time job that's far more to me than just a place to work and so I invest much more of myself into it than I ever intend to; not to mention my weekly Kitchen Witch cooking video/recipe/blog, and life in general. I share this because this evening I realized I'm already one blog behind on the commitment I made to myself at the start of the year to write something of significance *to me* every day - as a reminder of the path I'm on and the things I'm working toward.

This morning over coffee and candle light, I performed my morning ritual of prayer, grounding, and a card reading from my Osho Zen deck, and I was reminded (for the third day in a row no less) that I stretch myself too thin and that I need to be taking more time to do nothing. To say nothing, to write nothing, to think nothing, and to do nothing, and, instead, just Be.

I never fully understood how difficult this is for me; to just be still and not be doing. But I also rely on and believe in the wisdom of spirit when it speaks to me, and I'm hearing, loud and clear, that my soul needs some time in nature. Tree wisdom, rain on my face. Time by the ocean to sit with the waves, and time in pajamas with a good book.

The other thing my soul needs, I believe, is time with my mother. We children can be tough task masters when it comes to our parents - especially when they don't live up to or meet the incredibly strident expectations we've set up for them in this life. But our parents are merely human themselves. Though at one time, they were everything in the world to us, our champions, the people with all the answers, it becomes incumbent on us as adults (or at least on me) to let go of the adolescent disappointment; that mocking stab in the heart we felt the day we realized the illusion of our parents was false.

The day we looked toward the supposed perfection of other families and saw within their bounty, everything ours lacked.

I completely realize I'm talking to myself right now - and that's okay. The whole purpose of this blog is to figure things out for myself - and what I'm figuring out is that I need to let go of the bone. I need to forgive my mother, and appreciate my mother, and love my mother for exactly who she is.

And then I need to spend more time with her.

Our relationship will never be perfect. She will still trigger me. And I her. But when I can get about the business of understanding that every feeling. Every. Single. Feeling. is a treasure and this entire soup we're in called life is a one shot deal in this incarnation (I only ever get one chance at being Lyndsay to my mom's Glenda), maybe I can get my head out of my own ass and stop wasting time.

And that's today's reminder:

Friendship

Tonight, on the 10th day of July, 2016...

I have no words to say other than that I know how blessed I am.
 

 

To friendship. And may each person who reads this find one that is real. 

 

The Whole Enchildada

Today I created a new recipe; lentil soup with sweet Italian sausage and apple, and as the flavours melded - fresh thyme, sweet onions, the crunch of celery, carrots, and new potatoes - I was struck by the magic that happens when the right ingredients come together. In soup or in life, this is an important reality.

So many of us complicate our lives by mixing the wrong ingredients. The person we know isn't right for us, the job that doesn't spark our passion, or the relationship that lasts long past its natural expiry date. We stir, and we hope, and we add salt trying to convince ourselves that the lack of flavour is a product of our imaginations.

Macaroni and cheese. Shake and bake chicken. Fish sticks and Wonder Bread - on this, the 9th day of January, 2016, my reminder is to continue searching for flavour and to give yourself permission to leave any buffet that doesn't dazzle your soul or your taste buds.

When Did We Stop being Happy for Each Other?

It's Friday night and I'm enjoying a lazy evening in pajamas watching TV. Normally I would watch a movie, but this evening a guilty pleasure is on that I couldn't resist: Master Chef Junior, and I love this show for two reasons: 1. because the level these kids are cooking at blows me away - not to mention the pressure of being part of a major cooking competition like this, and 2. because when the kids get up before the judges with their food, they seem genuinely happy for each other when they do well.

Tonight's reminder is going to be short and sweet because I'm tired and want to keep mindlessly watching the show but I believe we could learn a lot from children - not the least of which, being happy for the successes of other people instead of being threatened by them.

And that's pretty much it...

Owl Medicine - A lot happens in the silence...

"A wise old owl sat in an oak;
The more he saw the less he spoke;
The less he spoke the more he heard;
Why can’t we all be like that wise old bird?'

I have always been fascinated by owls and by the idea that humans will feel certain connections to the animal world at different times in their life. This knowledge is old and sacred and has been taught to me by the people I have been blessed to know from the First Nations, who have always understood this and held reverence for life and the natural world.

For example, the bear and the wolf are two animals around which I hold a strong affinity. As a little girl if I couldn't get to sleep at night I would imagine myself surrounded by bear cubs and for some reason this comforted me enough so that I could drift into sleep. Truth be told, even as an adult, on those long nights when insomnia takes hold, my mind will once again turn to the comfort of bears. And as an adult, the mother bear in me shows her face frequently in my need to keep the people close to me safe, well fed, and comfortable.

The wolf, on the other hand, is an animal I have always felt a strong need to protect. Ever since my grade 5 class was shown a documentary on the extermination of these clever and loyal creatures (during which I broke down and cried inconsolably for a half hour after the movie ended), I've been on a mission to educate people about the fact that wolves are neither big nor bad but more likely, misunderstood.

But it's only recently that I've become connected to the medicine of owls and the possibility that it's been owl I've most related to all along. Owl is nocturnal and sees in the dark. Owl sees things others can't. Owl is predatory, but only in such a way that ensures her own survival. Owl listens more and talks less. For years I felt the need to fill silence. To entertain with the part of my personality that relates to the otter, but it's only recently that I've begun to realize that my true nature is silence. And observation. Getting out of my own way so that I can go about the business of listening to the world around me instead of drowning it out with my voice.

I am a teacher, but I am also a student. And I realize now that I will never learn when I speak. I only learn when I listen.

And so my reminder for today is to be more like the owl because a lot happens in the silence.

I Got Lucky Today with Big V - Daily Reminder #6 - 2016

My husband, affectionately known in certain circles as The Pool Boy, or more recently, "Big V" has been off work all week due to snow and in that light, I have to say, one man's loss is another woman's gain. Why? Because the man I married is the most thoughtful and accomplished house husband on the planet. Seriously. If he didn't look like a lumberjack, I would say give the man a string of pearls and a feather duster and we'll call it a day.

He woke up this morning at his regular construction worker time of 5 am but because he wasn't working, took the time to make me oatmeal and coffee, and then packed me a lunch that included a ham sandwich with dill pickle, Irish cheddar cheese, lettuce, mayo, and mustard, sparkling water, an apple, a tiny container of cherry tomatoes, yogurt, and a cookie. And all I have to say about that is, people if this isn't love I don't know what is.

When I arrived home the laundry was done, the house looked great, and he cooked a dinner that was spectacular: Coconut jerk chicken, roasted potatoes, and baby beets.

I would also like to mention that the man took down all our Christmas decorations, packed them up, and put them away which brings me to today's reminder: I am very lucky to be so loved.

“Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.”
― Marcel Proust

The Pain of being Picked Last - Daily Reminder #5, 2016

“Shrinking in a corner,
pressed into the wall;
do they know I'm present,
am I here at all?”
― Lang Leav, Love & Misadventure
 
No matter our age, the pieces from our childhood left broken and unhealed tend to re-visit us throughout our lives; re-creating the same feelings of pain and abandonment we felt as little kids. "Do they like me?" we ask ourselves when we meet somebody new. "Am I good enough?" we wonder as we gaze upon lives that seem more fulfilled or more happy than our own, and "Do I belong?"

The latter a question most usually whispered with cautious trepidation because by the time we ask it we usually already think we know the answer.

No.

Some of my earliest memories are of being left out. Though I exude a certain level of confidence on the outside, by nature I'm really quite shy and not the kind of person who will push her way into a party. Especially because on those rare occasions when I have, it never ended well. Case in point, the time I offered to share my Smarties with group of fellow five year olds who wouldn't let me play with them. Not a minute after my offer was voiced, one of their mothers marched out of her house and yelled at me in front of the group calling me a briber. It was public shaming at its finest and I can only hope that somewhere along the line karma took care of what my five year old self couldn't.

The same year I went to a family wedding and was the only little girl who didn't get asked to dance. Heartbroken, I went to the bathroom and bawled my eyes out wondering what was wrong with me. A theme I've carried from junior high school dances and being picked last for teams right into adulthood.

To this day I dread any kind of social interaction that involves the choosing of partners and though I'm an educated and otherwise confident adult, the very thought of not being chosen - for anything - decimates me.

Why do I share this? Because as I grow older I realize more and more that though our bodies age, the pieces of our minds, hearts, and souls that aren't healed get stuck, and though most of us walk around looking like fully actualized responsible adults, we're all just a big group of kids at heart. I guess that's what the 70's gurus meant by our wounded inner child.

The good news, though, is that when we become aware of our themes - and by themes I mean the things that send us into a tailspin of juvenile angst when they happen - we can heal that which wasn't when we were kids. So that the next time we walk past a group of obviously popular looking teenage girls at a high school while carrying a large laptop bag, we can remind ourselves that we are no longer nerdy band students carrying around our tenor saxophones (just to pick a random occurrence that could happen to anyone), but rather, we are confident, successful adults who no longer have to wear elastics in our braces before bed.

So whether your theme is the outsider (why don't I fit in?), comparison (why does everyone's life look better than mine?), inadequacy (I can't do anything right), emptiness (I'm not smart enough, good enough, whatever enough), blame (it's all their fault), denial (if I look perfect on the outside they'll never know how badly I feel on the inside), shame (I am a flawed human being), or any of the gazillion variations on these themes life holds, remember that you have the power to change you. It may not happen all at once as the Skin Horse in the Velveteen Rabbit reminds us, but with self awareness and gentle acceptance we can and will overcome.

And that's today's reminder: In ways both big and small I don't have to let my past define me. However, I have to be aware of the definitions - those things that cause me to revert back to being a hurt eight year old, and remind myself I am no longer that person, this is who I am now, and look how far I've come!

All Things in Good Time - Daily Reminder #4

“I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going. And I have trained myself to love it. Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight. And as we fly, we still may not know where we are going to. But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings. You may not know where you're going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you."

C. JoyBell C.

Today is my first day back to work after Christmas holidays and what's unusual this year is that I return with no expectations of change or big dreams for the future. The reason for this, I believe, is because the future is now. Every big dream I've held work wise over the years has come to pass and I'm now in a place of enjoying and appreciating the fruits of my labour.

I was just reading about this yesterday. A good friend posted an article link on Facebook that reminds the reader that most of the good things in life are the result of struggle, and it's our willingness to be in the struggle and our ability to work through it that determines whether we'll be successful or not. It also speaks to the idea that sometimes our beings - the inner most essence of who we are - will give up on a dream long before we have because it will already know when a path is not the right one. I know this because I've had that experience.

It was five years ago. I won a contest through Kraft Foods Canada by creating a recipe for Pork Tenderloin that featured Philadelphia Cream Cheese (I know, and don't ask). Anyways, as part of the prize package, I had the opportunity to shoot two professional cooking videos featuring cream cheese.

Bear in mind that this moment was the culmination of much energy and many dreams and as the lights shone on me while the people from hair and makeup spruced me up and the director called "Action," it should have been a moment of fullness and gratitude that would act as a stepping stone onward to even more exciting things.

Except, in the moment, I felt utterly deflated, lost and disappointed because in that split second between action and me being "on," I had a moment of clarity. It was like this little voice way down at the bottom of my being stepped out from behind a curtain and said, "but you don't give a shit about cream cheese." (sorry Kraft)

I pushed through, however, and erased those thoughts from my mind, telling myself to have gratitude for such an amazing opportunity, and reminding myself of all I had worked for to get to where I was. And when I returned home, I launched myself into creating a cooking channel on Youtube, entering new contests, working as a website ambassador for Kraft Foods and even appearing on Food Network Canada on the popular show Recipe to Riches. So you'd think with all that, my cooking career would have taken off.

In two short words: It didn't.

But I never gave up - in much the same way as I never gave up on another dream, one I had over 20 years ago as a young stay at home mom when I thought about, envisioned, and eventually manifested the creation of programs that would bring a sense of hope and resilience to youth who were feeling lonely, disenfranchised, depressed, or suicidal.

This was also born of loss and struggle. After having a lost friend to suicide at 18, I was also incredibly familiar with feelings of not wanting to be here, of not feeling like I was good enough, or that I belonged. In fact, it wasn't until I was about 23 years old that I finally arrived at a happy enough place to see that hope could be the antithesis to despair, and that a connection to one person who cared enough to believe in me had the power to change everything.

A seed was planted. I wanted to help young people feel less alone.

As does any seed, though, it took awhile to grow, and because it was like a wish made on a dandelion sent to the wind, I had no idea what it would become or what it would look like when it finally grew.

Which brings me back to now. Over the years the dream to help young people has been difficult, and discouraging, and sometimes even heart breaking. This is why, at the start of each New Year I begin thinking about the endless possibilities of who I could be and what I could do away from this - like cooking on camera with cream cheese. I understand now, though, that I never made these things happen because my soul knew it wasn't time. As much as I may think I'm working toward something else, if my soul knows I'm not ready yet, nothing is going to happen.

But I also realize that all of my hard work has not been in vain. It's been going somewhere and preparing the way for the day the next dandelion seed reaches the ground.

Today's Reminder:

I may have no control over what the next flower might look like but I can rest easy in the knowledge that all seeds eventually plant and that the beauty in life lies not in its certainty but in the surprises.

My Life is Bigger than my Ass - Daily Reminder #3 - 2016

"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."

Ron White

I know it's the New Year, and given that, we're all supposed to be so serious. Driven by a fierce need to make 2016 better than the last, and nudged gently by the abundance of TV commercials currently urging us to make changes, everyone's got the resolutions going.

And its fascinating to me how quickly our consumer driven culture jumps on board. One minute we're watching Christmas specials basking in the glow of Christmas tree lights while grandpa gets drunk on egg nog in the spare room, and the next, Oprah is on our TV screens lamenting her struggles with weight and vowing that this year, thanks to the help of Weight Watchers, she's going to finally and for good shed the extra pounds that are holding her back.

To which I say, Oprah, for the love of God, give up the ghost. Or at the very least have some pasta.

Because if Oprah with all of her money, success, and spirituality still needs Weight Watchers, where does that leave the rest of us? Just yesterday I wrote about powerful women and I purposefully left Oprah off my list - not because I don't love her, because I do - but because to me, a powerful woman is a role model of self acceptance who, even though she may struggle with certain things about herself, would never pander to the lowest common denominator by making a seasonal commercial for a company that is in the business of making money because in our size 2 culture even the most exceptional and accomplished women are supposed to feel bad about themselves if they carry extra weight.

Would Maya Angelou ever have done a Weight Watcher's commercial? 

So coming back to my original quote, I think we all need to lighten up - and I don't mean our calorie loads, I mean our attitudes. We need to purposefully and mindfully be aware of the cultural and media driven hamster wheel we're all on that tells us it's okay to eat sugar cookies throughout the month of December as long as we commit to at least three weeks of starvation and a renewal of our gym memberships in early January. This, to get ready for true love in February, bikini season, sleeveless tops and shorts (required wear until September when we're allowed to put our stretch jeans back on for Halloween).

And with a turn of the wheel, we, the collective cogs, get ready for another round of turkey, stuffing, and gravy while issues like global warming, GMO's, food shortages, and drought, are drowned out by reports of the Kardshians, the frightening buffoonery of Donald Trump, and Superbowl.

But what does this have to do with lemonade? Everything. Because when we really get clear and look at the bigger picture of the world around us, we can see that now, more than ever, we need to get off the wheel. Join the gym if you want to, not because Oprah's going to weekly weigh in, but because the gym gives you pleasure - and not just in January but also in November. Get mindful. Turn off the TV, read a book, go for a walk, breathe, eat amazing food that's real and enjoy every last bite of it, and best of all, find a friend with a little vodka, pour yourself a cup and say Cheers!

There are so many interesting things to notice and experience when we stop buying into a societal consciousness that dictates who and what we should be and instead get to the business of actually living. Of recognizing that each and every one of us is a miracle of creation just as we are now and that none of us is in need of improvement.

What we're really in need of is a lifting of the veils - and this can begin with the understanding that life is so much bigger than any of our asses. If you really want happiness in 2016, do something for others. Remove your media goggles and take a look at the bigger picture of the world. Volunteer. Give back. Be kind. Have compassion. And if you know deep in your heart of hearts that the money you're about to give to Weight Watchers is probably an exercise in futility, donate it. Give it to someone who needs a warm blanket and a few extra calories and then go for a walk.

Be grateful and remember who you really are: a spiritual being having a human experience (I don't remember who originally said that, but it's a good reminder) When we do that, when we see with these new eyes, it helps us realize that the wheel was never real and it is always within our power to step off.

Today's reminder:

Lyndsay Wells is a professional trainer, writer, and program developer with a passion for living, blogging and the ongoing inclination to self medicate with pie crust.

Daily Reminder - Powerful Women - Be More not Less

"My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style."

Maya Angelou

I have great admiration for powerful women. Women who embrace fully what it is to be themselves with abandon, zest, and little apology. Maya Angelou was such a woman. And she had flair. A knowledge of who she was that ran so deep she was able to get off the path of wearing what everyone else was wearing and put together a style all her own.

I realize now that style and substance are greatly connected because it's impossible to have flair if we don't know who we are, or worse, we don't like who we see when we look in the mirror. The world is big and there will be many, many people who cross our paths and won't like us, so I would say on this second day of the new year, it's incumbent on each of us to foster and nurture loving relationships with ourselves.

Maya Angelou knew this. She understood her own power, and the importance of the give and take of energy between human beings. She understood that if we let the wrong energy into our lives, over time like water on rock, it will erode us. It will erode the tentative peace we make for ourselves as we move toward love, and so, without apology, Maya Angelou removed people from her life who were toxic or who didn't have her best interests at heart.

It's kind of like cooking. If you're making a beautiful slow braised boeuf bourguignon the ingredients must be specific to the pot. Earthy red wine, fresh thyme, butter, and brandy meld together in a slow tango to perfectly season and make tender the beef. The people in our lives should be like butter and thyme, present to bring out the best in us so that we in turn can bring out the best in them.

After all, what would a boeuf bourguignon become if we added spicy Italian sausage to the pot? It might be delicious, but if the Italian sausage is assertive enough to take over and to do so without apology, you no longer have a bourguignon. You now have an Italian stew in which the boeuf is merely an afterthought. Or what if you stuck to the beef and then dumped a half cup of Frank's Red Hot into the pot. What would happen to the subtle combining of flavours? In cooking and in life, the introduction of one wrong ingredient has the power to ruin the stew.

So know who you are and understand which flavours complement you, which flavours overpower you, and which flavours have no business in your stew, your palette, or in your life. And then think about your personal style. What do the clothes you wear, your hair, jewelry, make up, say about you and they way you walk in the world? Do your clothes fit you properly and, if not, why? Too many women make the mistake of hiding behind clothes that are too big or unflattering, or worse, wearing uncomfortable clothing that's too small.

That's not to say the expectation is for any of us to look like Vogue models. That's not it at all. The idea is merely to work towards becoming the zestiest versions of ourselves from the inside out. Cleaning the toxins out of our lives and the dust from our closets as we continue to get to know who we are.

Julia Child, another powerful woman, knew exactly who she was and her sense of style reflected that. Sweater sets, her trademark string of pearls, and a fearlessness in life and in the kitchen is what comes to mind when I think of her. And no wonder she's one of my personal heroes along with Maya Angelou - both women became more powerful with the passing of time, not less.

So on this, the second day of January, 2016, my reminder is:

Be More, Not Less

More listens, Less talks. More has nothing to prove and everything to give. More sits in the solitude of her own power and tries to understand the bigger picture. Less sits in a vacuum of lack and creates pictures that aren't always based on reality. More has personal style and flair. Less models her flair after others.

As we go through life we will always be a combination of More and Less, but when we know and understand this, it becomes easier to balance the flavours.

Lyndsay Wells is a professional trainer, writer, and program developer with a passion for living, blogging and the ongoing inclination to self medicate with pie crust.

A Daily Reminder - Day 1 - I Am

“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.”
― Douglas Adams, The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul

I had a similar epiphany recently; standing on a beach at midnight on the West coast of Vancouver Island, a roaring bonfire behind me, and waves gently lapping the shore just ahead, I realized that here (not there or elsewhere) is exactly where I've always needed to be. Moreover, here is also exactly where I wanted to be all along. It's just that when I finally arrived, I was already on my way to somewhere else.

It's January 1st and as beginnings go, it makes sense to start here on the fresh page of a New Year, not with resolutions, but more likely with resolve, to get this thing called "my life" a little better figured out so that (a) I can remind myself to be grateful and observant in order to (b) stop trying to change what is now into the futile, imaginary destination of "I wish" for tomorrow - and in doing so (c) clear the way to tomorrow's now in a more loving, thoughtful, and present way.

And it begins with a pen. Or in this case, a key board.

I want to turn a page or two in my life so that I'm not only relishing in the present, I'm doing so from a place that has let go of old fears from the past because I've learned that though it's one thing to say I've let go of the self doubt, fear of abandonment, and every day's expectation that the bottom could fall out of my life at any moment, what is easily said is not always so easily done.

The truth is, the bottom will fall out. The tricky part is that I need to quit waiting for it to happen.

In fact, I need to quit waiting, period, and start living. Immersed in every delicious, sticky, painful, joyous, heart wrenching, moment this life has to offer and experience the all of it both as an active participant and an observer. 

And so on this, Day 1, of a spiritual journey to reconnect with myself, I call to the universe with my intention to become exactly who I need to be with full acceptance that I am already all of it.

This is a remembering.

This is an uncovering.

This is who I Am.

Today's reminder: I am exactly where I need to be at this time in my life. I notice everything from a place of detachment, gratitude and love. I am enough.

Lyndsay Wells is a professional trainer, writer, and program developer with a passion for living, blogging and the ongoing inclination to self medicate with pie crust.

Resurrection

"Make these broken weary bones rise to dance again..."

The above is a line from a song called Garments of Praise that I often reflect upon during Easter weekend. Regardless of our spiritual beliefs, the story of Easter gives us hope that people can be re-born and lives can change no matter the situation. We're reminded of our own crosses, and if we're open enough, we might even feel a gentle nudge from... somewhere... reminding us that we're never alone, that there is a plan for our lives, and that the weight of the things we bear can be made lighter by asking for help.  Humanity, so loved by our Creator, is reminded on this day that we too can rise again. In fact, I often wonder if that's the ultimate gift we have the power to give back in this life; to rise up, rise forward, and rise above forces and situations that conspire to bring us down and take us away from a place of love - for others, but mostly for ourselves.

To be able to gaze unabashedly into a reflection of our own lives, and stare lovingly across at ourselves with no judgement or criticism - when we can do that, it becomes so much easier to suspend judgements about others. And when we get out of ego and get out of judgement, we are gifted in return with Peace.

If only it were that easy, right? But as I sit and puzzle through my thoughts, I become consciously aware that the peace I seek is constantly plagued by road blocks. Those things that effect my personal journey and take me from one path to the next. One day it all seems perfect. Everything is going just right - sometimes over a long period of time - and then, seemingly from out of the blue, a slow unraveling begins.

It happens to all of us and because we're each so different, the things that unravel me may not be the things that unravel you, and so on. But the interesting point is that when we have lessons to learn about the things that keep us from peace, teachers will appear in our lives; and they're not always the  ones we refer to as our favourites.

Lately, my most powerful teachers have been my critics. People who seem hell bent on reminding me in ways both big and small that I don't quite measure up. Like today when some guy named Mohammad went off the rails on me over a recipe for cheese bread I posted via my YouTube cooking channel CHARMED. He called it a " salty waste of time" and, though I know it seems silly to get bent out of shape over bread (with fresh herbs and cheddar, thank you very much) - this one came at the tail end of another more hurtful review recently delivered in my professional life; one that I have been giving too much of my time and energy to. 

The kicker is, I can't tell you how many people love my recipes, or the programs I develop and deliver for work because for me it doesn't matter. In my life it just seems to take that one fly in the proverbial ointment to ruin it all. And it's always when I'm riding high that those particular bugs crawl out of the woodwork.

Although on most days I'm a self assured person who could care less whether or not Mohammad likes my bread, we each have times in our lives when things hurt a little bit deeper - because, truly, it's never about the bread. It's about how we feel about ourselves - the person making the bread - that informs our reactions.

"Make these broken weary bones rise to dance again..."

Our lives are informed by our past and our experiences; and somewhere within my being - the person who believes that kick ass self acceptance is the only state of mind in which to live our lives - I'm being reminded by my six year old self that it isn't always that easy. No matter our age, the pieces from our childhood left broken and unhealed tend to re-visit us throughout our lives; re-creating the same feelings of pain and abandonment we felt as little kids. "Do they like me?" we ask ourselves when we meet somebody new. "Am I good enough?" we wonder as we gaze upon lives that seem more fulfilled or more happy than our own, and "Do I belong?"

And it's on those days I'm reminded to thank the Mohammad's of this world because with every nudge and every criticism, I'm given an opportunity to heal myself. I'm given a second chance. Though arrived at in an arduous or painful way, in the end I have been given an opportunity for resurrection. To rise up, and out, and above.

And so it goes.

Happy Easter!

Karmic Relationships

*Disclaimer* Today's fare may be a bit of a mind bend because this is a "World according to Lyndsay" download.

To my mind there are four groups of people in everyone's life:

1. Strangers
2. Acquaintances
3. Friends
4. Karmic relationships

And given that most of the over 7 billion people who inhabit the planet have never heard of you or me, it makes sense that strangers make up the largest group. Billions of people right this minute are going about their business with absolutely no idea we exist. In this light our angst, suffering, joy, and anxiety become meaningless in the grander scheme of things - but if we dig a little deeper, we would find that the essence of our significance is found in relationship.

I have many acquaintances, fewer friends, and a handful of interesting karmic relationships on the go at present. And while I don't have to define what an acquaintance is, there is a distinct difference between friends, and people I'm exchanging karma with.

Friends are easy. They come and they go; and though some of them may also fall into the karmic relationship group, many do not. They are in our lives because we share a few things in common and we enjoy being in their company. There's an easy give and take that defines the relationship and very little drama.

Karmic relationships are the opposite because these are the relationships that hold the power to give us the greatest joy, or the most soul depleting heartache; and sometimes a little of both. Pretty much, if you are in love with someone, at odds with someone, or have strong emotional ties/feelings/angst/etc with someone, chances are good that the two of you are swapping karma.

Another hallmark of a karmic relationship is that these are the people we remember meeting with great clarity. To this day, I can transport myself back to the evening when I first met my husband. I remember what he was wearing, how I felt, and what I saw in his eyes. Although I had no way of knowing at the time, something about our meeting told me this was going to be interesting.

And it was. And it has been.

Conversely, I can also recall the day I met one of the most difficult people I have ever known; right down to the last detail. Once again, I can situate myself there in an instant and once again, the distinct feeling that this was going to be interesting.

Because I've never been one to keep my spiritual beliefs under wraps, those who know me understand I'm a Zen, Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim with a little new age whaterism thrown in just because. In other words, I have never been a person who believes there is only one path to God because in the immortal words of Carlos Castaneda “Anything is one of a million paths. Therefore you must always keep in mind that a path is only a path..."

Keeping that in mind, my path of spirituality has always included the concept of reincarnation; the notion that we have lived many lives and that the very essence of our soul's being is to learn and grow in order to find compassion. In order to become love.

That said, it makes sense that the most important relationships in our lives aren't always easy because it is often from the places of the greatest discomfort that the most learning occurs. And in the very best of karmic relationships; in marriages or partnerships, families, or with close soul ties, there is often a little of both.

This is all good news because it teaches us is there are gifts to be found in even the darkest relationships. With this understanding it becomes easier to find our compassion. With this understanding it becomes easier to let go of anger and despair and with free hands grab the brass ring of happiness which has always been, and always will be, Love.

I'm probably going to write more about this topic in the month's to come but for now I'll leave you to mull this one over. Regardless of our spiritual beliefs, there are many ways to frame the idea that our most important relationships have the power to hinder or heal us. At the end of the day, it's the way we view the people in our lives that will determine if our path is one of compassion or not.

"Does this path have a heart? All paths are the same: they lead nowhere. They are paths going through the bush, or into the bush. In my own life I could say I have traversed long long paths, but I am not anywhere. Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good; if it doesn't, it is of no use. Both paths lead nowhere; but one has a heart, the other doesn't. One makes for a joyful journey; as long as you follow it, you are one with it. The other will make you curse your life. One makes you strong; the other weakens you."

- Carlos Castaneda

Until next time everyone!

Be well...

Author:

Lyndsay Wells is a professional trainer, writer, and program developer with a passion for food and cooking. She is an award winning recipe developer, and a website ambassador for Kraft Foods Canada. Lyndsay believes cooking should be approachable and easy and has great tips and ideas for putting together sophisticated looking dishes that cooks of all levels can accomplish.

Visit her on her blogs, The Kitchen Witch, Just. That. Fabulous. or on her YouTube Channel, CHARMED With The Kitchen Witch.

  

Kick Ass Acceptance: A Simple Formula for Happiness

It's officially spring and as I look outside my open window, soaking in the wonder of new growth, pink budded trees, and bees in flight after the long sleep of winter, I'm filled with gratitude.

I survived another November.

Another January.

The two months out of the year that make every attempt to kick me in the ass and drag me down so that despite my best efforts, they result in an inevitable turn toward pie crust as a way of self medicating.

And I'm okay with that.

Once upon a time I made sweeping gestures and bold statements like: "This year I shall verily conquer November! I will be happy all month or die trying!" or "January is going to be the ride of my life!" 

But as I've gotten older (and yes, there are many benefits that come with the passage of time, people, that's what this blog is all about!), I've come to realize that despite a global movement toward 24 hour happiness, most lately courtesy of Pharrell, we weren't meant to be happy all the time. Further to that, it's okay to be sad, grumpy, bitchy, depressed, excited, enraged, or anything else in between because the long and the short of it is that life isn't always easy. Or as M Scott Peck so brilliantly put it:

“Once we truly know that life is difficult-once we truly understand and accept it-then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.” 

When I allow myself to accept things just as they are, it frees me. There is no longer a need to fight back or rail against the ides of March (or November). With acceptance comes the knowledge that I can sink into my months and wear them like a warm pair of pajamas. I can make like Yogi, and hibernate with my picnic basket filled to the rim with the things that give me comfort: soft blankets, warm pie, deep wine - accepting the very things I once viewed as enemies as my salvation rather than my demise.

As I do this, I learn to accept myself as not flawed, but as simply human. I re-frame the way I think and resist the urge to chastise myself for "being bad" because January the 15th has me reaching for a bag of chips. Instead I congratulate myself for good self care. The chips got me through another day. I went to work. I smiled at people. I helped a friend. I held a hand. And no one but me and the chips knew how hard that was to do on that particular day.

And don't get me wrong. I'm not saying "Go out and smoke crack if that's what it takes to get you through." I'm saying, "Understand the reasons why you wanted to smoke it in the first place and accept the beautiful person you are underneath the expectations."

I know. Easy, right?

The thing is, if there is a door to happiness, or at the very least a little more happiness than what you're experiencing now, the key to unlock it is self acceptance because when we have that, we have everything.

When we accept ourselves in all of our injured glory, it becomes less important to show the world how strong we are. How bold we are. How rich we are. Or how whatever we are because we know who we are. We're no longer invested in external validation to tell us we're good enough because we've filled ourselves from the inside out.

I call that Kick Ass Acceptance, and for me, it has changed almost everything.

I say almost because, though I reach for my picnic basket with less frequency and more joy; relishing in the tastes and textures, I haven't been completely exempted from my lifelong battle with the afterglow of guilt.

Last week I made the following comment to a colleague: "I feel like Fatty McFaterston" after eating an entire Reuben sandwich and an ill informed half plate of onion rings. Luckily for me, I work with wonderful people and he promptly replied with genuine sincerity "You're not Fatty McFaterston."

That just made me smile.

It helped me to remember another important truth about life: That though external validation need not be the only thing filling our empty spaces, having a few good friends and people in your life who love you and are willing to fill the gaps on days when you're not kicking ass is a treasure that cannot be replaced.

As for me, I've turned my annual six month corner from out of hibernation and into action. This is the time of year I get energized. I set goals, I add to my bucket list, I LEAP! Two years ago I crossed "Run an 8 k road race" off my list, so this year I have added a new item: "Run a half marathon."

I plan to do this in October. I began training today.

Towanda.

xoxo

Author:

Lyndsay Wells is a professional trainer, writer, and program developer with a passion for food and cooking. She is an award winning recipe developer, and a website ambassador for Kraft Foods Canada. Lyndsay believes cooking should be approachable and easy and has great tips and ideas for putting together sophisticated looking dishes that cooks of all levels can accomplish.

Visit her daily on her blog, The Kitchen Witch or on her YouTube Channel, CHARMED With The Kitchen Witch.

  

How to Take Off 20 Pounds With Your Outfit

The Man I Married (also known in some circles as The Pool Boy) decided to change the living room around while I was sleeping in. This because the place where he sits on the couch to read and watch TV has recessed over the years causing issues with his back.

Ever one to solve a problem, he got industrious this morning and endeavoured to move a back friendly chair into our prime TV watching spot, thus turning my universe upside down. Why? Because he changed the couch placement without consulting with me first. On more levels than I can explain this is not a good thing for me because:

1. I do not care for change.
2. I am now situated in a new seat and it isn't working for me.

I feel too low to the ground. My computer sits haphazardly on my lap. And don't even get me started on butt indentation because with the way he placed the couch I am now on the recessed spot that his butt caved in over the years - and my butt isn't happy about this.

By now you're probably thinking "What does this have to do with The Menopause?" and to that, I would like to respond "Everything."

Men should Pause before they take any kind of radical household action.

Take a moment to discuss while I get through this hot flash.

All that said, it occurs to me that I'm becoming set in my ways - which is way too early! People shouldn't even begin to get set in their ways until they're at least 85; and even then, I'm not so sure it's a good idea because resistance to change is a sure fire way to eliminate adventure from your life - and without adventure, where would the fun be?

And I'm not even talking about the big adventures like back packing across Europe or jumping out of a plane - no. I'm talking about the little everyday adventures we can still strive to have - like keeping updated on our hair styles, and not getting stuck in fashion ruts - a hole I have found myself sinking into on more than one occasion.

You know the drill. You're a certain, age or a certain weight. You don't fit into the same kinds of clothes you used to, and the florescent lighting in the change rooms at most retail outlets is enough to send you down the chip and dip aisle in fits of silent desperation.

Or, you've become set in your ways and cling stubbornly to the ghost of fashion past either by wearing ill fitting clothing, outfits that are too young - or worse, fashion that dates you or isn't flattering.

Now before you get irate at me, yelling "TOWANDA! Women are beautiful in many different packages - what about beauty from the inside out lady?" please know I agree with you. But I also think that when we get stuck in ruts - like the one I was in when I started this blog - we might not be feeling as marvelous as we could and in the immortal words of Billy Crystal, "When you look Mahvelous, you feel mahvelous." So this is about my journey back toward fabulousity, finding fashion and ideas that work for me. If I inspire a few people along the way, awesome.

So, on this day of great change and upheaval in the life of my couch and rear end, I have decided to embrace the new. In honour of that I'm going to introduce into my fashion repertoire something that is on trend, that I see pinned all over the fashion boards on Pinterest, and that I have seen very few women of my age and, erm, stature, wearing: The Skinny Jean.

A clothing item I would not have, in a million years - no make that a trillion - ever considered wearing. But that was the old me. The one in a rut who said things like "I feel invisible," while she ate pie. The new me sits on couches with new grooves and says "To HELL with that!"

And verily, I have purchased a skinny jean. But here's the thing. When you want to freshen up your wardrobe by adding clothes that are on trend, when you reach a certain age (and by that I mean anyone over the age 22), you want to balance out the trend with other more classic elements. Second, and this is so important I want you to indelibly etch it into your brains - you HAVE to wear the right shoe. And by shoe, I mean pump, or boot - not a sneaker, cheap flat, or running shoe. People, I feel very strongly about this. Running shoes, by law, should never be worn anywhere outside of a gym.

Let me show you.

I've put together a few looks featuring the skinny jean to demonstrate how someone like me can go from a Fashion No to a Fashion Yes in a matter of minutes simply by pairing said jeans with the right shoes and looks.In the process, you will see first hand how the fashion choices we make can either add or detract weight!

Let's begin at the beginning with a fashion faux pas I see many women of my age (and size) making: Teaming up tights or skinny pants with an over-sized shirt and a pair of flats. While this look may have looked good on Gidget once upon a time, it does not work on most women (unless you are 5'11 and weigh less than 120 pounds). Even then, it's questionable.

Case in point...

Fashion No

Okay, so let's take little time to improve the look. Start by opening the shirt to make it into a jacket, add a belt to give some definition to the body and lose the ugly flat shoes, replacing them with a flat boot.

Fashion getting there...

We now have a definite improvement - but we're not there yet. Sure, this outfit would be okay for, say, mowing the lawn - but do you really want to bump into your first love from high school at the grocery store wearing this?

I didn't think so.

Next look...

Fashion better...

Do you see it slowly getting better? First, I removed the denim shirt - and let me just say, it looked a whole lot better in my mirror than it did in the reality of a picture so take the time to get pictures of what you wear! You might be very surprised by what you discover..

I kept the belt for definition as I'm an apple shape and really benefit from the illusion of a waist. Next I added an elongating drapey black sweater and a universal scarf to keep the look casual - you know, for that trip to the grocery store!

I'd be okay meeting up with people from my past in this...

However, I still think I can do better.

Remember what I said about shoes? Well it has never been more important than it is with the skinny jean. Pretty much, if you have the nerve a rock a pair out, I want you to go all in with it and pair the jeans with a pair of awesome heels or boots - making sure to avoid anything clunky or shoes with a rounded or square toe. You want that elegant point because it does amazing things for the legs - as does the height you'll get from wearing a heel. 

People, there is a reason Carrie Bradshaw loves her Manolos.

Fashion Awesome

Let's recap...
                                                                     

From Don't

 

To Do!

And that, my friends, is what they call a wrap! I'll be having more fun with fashion in the weeks and months ahead because, as a girly gal at heart, I am reaffirmed by the belief that Fabulous is as Fabulous does!

Now go out and make some noise!! The world needs to hear from you.

And then dish! Do you like change? Got any fashion faux pas to share with the group? Go for it sisters - you are among friends :-)

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  Author:

Lyndsay Wells is a professional trainer, writer, and program developer with a passion for food and cooking. She is an award winning recipe developer, and a website ambassador for Kraft Foods Canada. Lyndsay believes cooking should be approachable and easy and has great tips and ideas for putting together sophisticated looking dishes that cooks of all levels can accomplish.

Visit her on her blogs, The Kitchen Witch, and Just. That. Fabulous. or on her YouTube Channel, CHARMED With The Kitchen Witch.

  

Beauty From the Inside Out

Has this ever happened to you? You show someone a picture of yourself from when you were younger (or thinner ), or both - and instead of commenting about how cute or pretty you were, the person says things like "I can't believe that's you!" or "I would have NEVER recognized you!!!"

What does one say in response? Thank you?

I know I look different now as the middle aged version of myself; I get that. But the thing is - despite having hair that needs Clairol's root touch up once every three weeks and a new found understanding of why a person would get Botox - underneath it all, remains a 16 year old girl who still wants to be seen as pretty.

I hope I'm not letting any cats out of the bag by revealing this. That despite our age, most women want to be viewed as desirable; but at this stage in the game, we long for this desirability to be on our own terms. In much the same way men are seen as distinguished with a little grey hair, I believe women would like to be seen as attractive based on an entire package: our confidence, our accomplishments, our hearts, our humour - attributes that might not reveal themselves at first glance, but that inform every aspect of what it is to be beautiful once you get to know a person.

I think this is something we must remind ourselves of daily: the reality of beauty coming from the inside out. Just because some women's magazine is selling you the latest diet, wrinkle cream, or age defying potion doesn't mean you can't fight back and feel better about yourself in the process. Although there exists a universal standard of beauty in our youth obsessed culture, let's take the time to remind ourselves that very few people actually ever meet that standard - further to that, it is not something anyone is going to be able to hold onto. Eventually time is going to catch up with the Botox and when that day happens my wish is that every woman is able to see herself as worthy.

When I look back at pictures of myself now and see that pretty girl with the wanna be Farah flipped back hair, I can see that so much is missing. The girl in the pictures had not yet driven across Canada on her own, danced on top of a bar in New Orleans, raised a son, maintained a marriage, ran a half marathon, appeared on a TV show or won $20,000.00 for making the best damned pork tenderloin in Canada! That girl, though pretty, was not half the woman I eventually became. Which tells me that in 20 years when someone sees a picture of me now, it shouldn't come as a surprise when they say "I can't believe that's you!"

Because it won't be.

The me of 20 years from now will be more confident, and more assured. She will have overcome obstacles and survived losses. She will have experienced challenges, and adventures, and through it all if I play my cards right, she will have done so with an unwavering belief in herself and the steadfast knowledge that desirability and beauty are less about wrinkles, and more about the experiences that have put them there. 

Weigh in...

Do you relate to this? Are there things you do to combat inner negativity? What things make you beautiful from the inside out?
 
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  Author:

Lyndsay Wells is a professional trainer, writer, and program developer with a passion for food and cooking. She is an award winning recipe developer, and a website ambassador for Kraft Foods Canada. Lyndsay believes cooking should be approachable and easy and has great tips and ideas for putting together sophisticated looking dishes that cooks of all levels can accomplish.

Visit her on her blogs, The Kitchen Witch, and Just. That. Fabulous. or on her YouTube Channel, CHARMED With The Kitchen Witch.

  

Have You Ever Felt Invisible?

I'm 47 years old, 20 pounds away from my optimal weight (if I were the heavy weight champion of the world), and in dire need of  some kind of a "What Not to Wear" fashion intervention from Stacey and Clinton. A dynamic duo who in a strangely metaphorical way are not unlike me - or at least the way I've been feeling lately - and that is: CANCELLED.

Don't get me wrong because I don't mean that literally - and yes, those who love me will remind me of all the good that exists in the world merely because I'm in it; thank you very much by the way - but what I mean by feeling cancelled isn't so much about me or who I am on the inside, but more about the perception people have about me based completely on what's on the outside and how that perception is shifting as I get older.

I've been blogging about my life in one way or another since my fingers first came into contact with a keyboard. As such, I'm blessed with a chronicle of my son's life from inception to the day he left for university. When he was growing up there was so much to write about - and not just him, my husband, our pets, my parents, even our neighbours - no one was exempt from making an appearance in one of my blogs if they did something funny, or touching, or human because, at heart, that is who I am: a Noticer. I notice things and I like to write about them.

But when my son walked out the door, duffel bag in hand off to conquer the world, something inside me changed. Call it grief, call it loss, call if whatever you like, when he left home that day a tiny door in my heart softly closed and I realized I had just completed something that I could never have back. With that realization, somehow I lost my funny. I stopped noticing. I stopped writing.

That was five years ago. I was 42 years old and could still pass as someone in her 30's. At the time, I didn't see this as something significant and would have argued with anyone that age is just a number. My career was in full swing, and I began to work on chasing new dreams - this time in the cooking world. I gave up blogging about my personal life in exchange for entering cooking contests and coming up with recipes. Where I had once identified myself as being Just. That. Fabulous. I was now exploring the intricacies of souffle and advising others on the best ways to grill meat - all the while feeling good about myself and my place in the world.

But sometime between then and now, a shift began to occur; the odd soreness in a joint, the need to hold a book at arms length just to read the fine print, the first time I noticed the line by the corner of my mouth deepening. I am getting older. And though I still believe that age is a state of mind not a condition, it's becoming increasingly evident the rest of the world might not be on the same page because in many ways, I feel like I'm becoming invisible.

Like who I am on the inside is no longer adequately reflected on the outside. Take my photo for example. Anyone who knows me understands that if you look at that and only see a nice looking middle aged lady, or worse, a respectable one - you have not really seen me at all. And that's what happens. It's not unusual for women when they reach a certain to age to be overlooked regardless of how interesting, intelligent, or kick ass she might be, unless she has successfully managed to cheat time.

What does society view as the ultimate compliment? "You look so young."

pfffffft.

As though looking young somehow makes a woman more interesting. You know, in the same way being thin makes people better human beings.

However, I will acknowledge, my smiling demeanor and well coordinated outfit doesn't exactly scream "kick ass woman" either.  And I am, kick ass that is - just ask my husband - I've been kicking his on and off for over 22 years. 

The gist is this: just because I'm closing in on 50 and prefer my jeans come with an elasticized waist band does not mean I don't know what you're talking about when you refer to 4:20, and - for the record - "Talk Dirty to Me" would so be my jam if it was still acceptable for me to go to a club and lay it down. And don't even try to tell me that would be an okay thing anywhere else but at my grandmother's nursing home - the one place where I have it on good authority I am still considered hot.

Stay tuned in the days and months ahead as I share my observations about growing older, kicking ass in stretch jeans, and re-discovering who I am and who I'm going to become in the second half of my life.

If you want to come along for the ride, be sure to subscribe!

And then tell me, have you ever felt invisible?

Okay, now it's time to get dancin!




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Author:

Lyndsay Wells is a professional trainer, writer, and program developer with a passion for food and cooking. She is an award winning recipe developer, and a website ambassador for Kraft Foods Canada. Lyndsay believes cooking should be approachable and easy and has great tips and ideas for putting together sophisticated looking dishes that cooks of all levels can accomplish.

Visit her on her blogs, The Kitchen Witch, and Just. That. Fabulous. or on her YouTube Channel, CHARMED With The Kitchen Witch.